Man Attacked by Killer Mountain Beaver!

August 5, 2009 at 10:43 am 8 comments

Early yesterday morning a hiker was attacked by a what has been identified as a ‘Killer Mountain Beaver.’ The attack occured in the vicinity of Red Pine Lake located within the Wasatch Mountains of Utah. The hiker, SamIAm, shows the damage below.

Attack of the Killer Mountain Beaver

“He nearly pulled my arm off” explained Mr IAm, “I could only save myself by poking a thumb into his eye.” Often called a marmot, the Killer Mountain Beaver is described as the ‘Great White’ of the Wasatch Range. A nearby hiker was able to capture an image of the beast.

Killer Mountain Beaver

“This is the first photographic proof of the existence of a Killer Mountain Beaver” says Professor Johannes Wryen, Director of the Centre for Loch Ness and Aplodontia Rufa Studies and adjunct professor at the Institute for Cold Fusion. “A positive identification can be made based on the lack of a beaver-like tail or any beaver-like characteristics.” he added.

The wounded hiker is reported to be recovering well from his injuries.

in other news…..

SamIAm and sirloinofbeef made a pleasant ascent of the Pfeifferhorn – Cheeseburgers in tow. The standard route to the Pfeifferhorn begins from the White Pine Trailhead and includes 4.5 miles of hiking with 3700 feet of elevation gain. The route passes by both Lower and Upper Red Pines Lakes…..

Going Past Red Pine Lake

and ascends a steep rib to the divide between the Red Pine and Dry Creek drainages. The views from the top of the Pfieifferhorn were tremendous.

Box Elder Peak

Red Pine Lake From Above

The Cheeseburger was prepared from beef that had been lovingly dry-aged for 4 weeks in the refrigerator. The night before it was fresh-ground and cooked on the outdoor grill. The next day it still tasted like a cold Cheeseburger.

The Mighty Cheeseburger

The Pfeifferhorn – SamIAm


Entry filed under: Utah Summits.

Ross Peak, Gallatin County, Montana Fansi that… the Roof of Indochina

8 Comments Add your own

  • 1. samh  |  August 5, 2009 at 12:04 pm

    Dangerous critters, those beavers.

  • 2. Bassman  |  August 6, 2009 at 10:41 am

    I never knew KMBs had such a hand fetish! I guess they take whatever they can get. Obviously (surprisingly) SLOB was able to fight off the attack.

  • 3. Dale  |  August 7, 2009 at 10:10 pm

    I have it on good authority that the mountain beaver in question has both a good alibi and an attorney. I understand there’s more to be discovered at my mountain beaver journal.

    • 4. sirloinofbeef  |  August 12, 2009 at 7:34 am

      I’ll be contacting you for quotes after the next Killer Mountain Beaver attack!


  • 5. Dale  |  August 8, 2009 at 2:30 pm

    P.S. a marmot no doubt, likely related to the butch/sundance gang that’s preyed on travelers there for many years…

  • 6. Esterlinkage  |  August 11, 2009 at 10:50 am

    Oooohh! Excellent burn! I can hear Wimpy crying in his office. I think you guys are hurting his feelings. He really thinks he saw one.

  • 7. Jake  |  January 1, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    i saw it at horse tail falls and it killed my buddy. i thought it was just a cute lil’ mountain beaver!

  • 8. Sass Quatch  |  December 3, 2012 at 5:56 am

    Two different animals! Marmots are big and will chew your hand off. Mountain beavers are barely the size of a squirrel and good luck actually seeing one! Look it up.


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The Mission

To encourage, enable, and document the consumption of a Cheeseburger on every summit on earth.
August 2009
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